Indecision Anxiety? Try Reality Therapy.
When one is at a crossroads in life and seemingly several paths are available to you and you feel stuck, what do you do? For some, this is an inflection point, a moment of truth, a time to hunker down and do the dirty work of making the “right” or “correct” choice. I am here to tell you there is no right or wrong. Just move forward.
Still, stuck? That’s okay.
However, for those that languish for days, weeks, months in the throes of pain, agony, and the anxiety that won’t go away, I have news for you. There is a way out and there is a therapy suited for just this kind of conundrum.
Enter, Reality Therapy.
Reality Therapy was created by Dr. William Glasser in 1965 and is based also on our choices in life. One of the most memorable excerpts from his book “Reality Therapy, A New Approach to Psychiatry”, is as follows:
“…try to substitute responsible for mental health and irresponsible for mental illness…”
When we enter into a state of being responsible for our own actions and shun away the sense of entitlement we may or may not have been born or raised into, a world of possibilities opens up to us. When one door shuts, many doors open. But those doors only open when one door shuts. Sometimes making one step forward in any direction will open up these doors as well. Baby Steps. One small step forward.
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step.” — Lao Tzu
The WDEP system
A simple acronym can help us move forward. That acronym is the WDEP system and is a myriad of questions we can ask ourselves to figure out more succinctly our next move.
So how do we apply Reality Therapy to our decision-making process? Dr. Robert Wubbolding’s book “Reality Therapy for the 21st Century” is an excellent workbook to dive into Reality Therapy more in-depth. During the 2017 American Counseling Association Conference in San Francisco, I attended a seminar where Dr. Wubbolding applied his candid approach to the WDEP system in a mock group setting with adolescent youth. Seeing his process in action was inspiring enough to adapt his practice of the theory to lessen the anxiety produced from indecision.
Putting the theory into use forces us to ask ourselves some hard questions.
W — What is it that I want?
What do I want from life, from this moment, for myself or my family and loved ones in the future? What drives me? Does this path lead me on a journey to search for meaning, power, or pleasure?
Through analyzing our wants and creating a vision of ourselves for the future, we are asking ourselves the tough questions that can aid us in the decision-making process.
Writing down and journaling is a powerful medium to put your ideas into perspective and give us awareness and clarity of thought. For others, seeking a trained therapist in Reality Therapy can also help us bring more direction to our actions.
After a thorough analysis of what we want we can move on to the next step of Reality Therapy.
D — What am I doing to achieve what I want?
Does what I am doing right now lead me toward giving me the satisfaction of feeling like I am getting what I want? When I am on my deathbed, will I look at my life and say, Yes, I took actions toward getting what I want from life and I am fully satisfied.
At this point, it can be beneficial to create a pros and cons list of the choices you have been you. Again, journal and creating a table with 2 columns for each of the choices before you can ease the heavy burden of indecision. If you are a visual learner, you can even draw out the different pathways before you and envision yourself walking that pathway towards your end goal.
When our actions align with our intentions, a very powerful force is at work. The facade of the life we leave behind will inexplicably be shattered if our current actions do not create the life that we want. Life is all about creation.
E — What do I expect from what I am doing?
Take a hard look at your actions. Examine what it is that is you are experiencing from what you are doing? How are your thoughts and emotions affected by your actions? Are they in alignment with your ambitions, goals, and dreams? What is it about what you are doing that is leading you down your current path? What are you trying to achieve? What vision do you have of your life and how does your worldview affect your reality?
It is through self-examination that we truly see what it is that is giving us the most grief through indecision anxiety. Seeing a counselor or therapist that can confront you on your issues and ask the right questions can point out your blind spots and bring your life back into focus.
P — Make a plan for the future.
Goal setting is crucial to achieving the vision that you have set out for yourself. Creating this vision will give you the motivation that you need to take those baby steps and move one more inch closer to getting what you want. Taking that small step forward in any direction may even present itself with doors you have never realized before.
When goal setting I teach my clients how to set SMART goals. SMART is an acronym for setting goals that are as specific as possible, quantifying the goal to make it measurable, asking yourself if the goal is realistically attainable, relevant to your values and strengths, and timely by putting a date to it. By making your goal a SMART one, it is that much more likely to be reached.
Our life is made of decisions and choices. Worrying about making those “right” choices in life leads to anxiety that builds until you take action. Freezing up from indecision can take its toll on our mental health. Even if the action is something that will be painful to follow through with, just know that on the other side of that decision is relief and an end to the suffering and pain associated with staying put in one place.
Be strong, be proud, and move forward!
